Pretending.

Pretending

Lying still, lifeless, motionless, I just rest.

Feeling calm, relieved, free, just breathe.

I’m quiet now, so I know it’s the end

As long as I don’t fight back, it’s over, so I pretend.

Pretend to be happy, blissful, forgiving, in love.

Pretend to want you though push came to shove.

Lying still, lifeless, motionless, I just rest.

Feeling calm, relieved, free, just be.

He kisses my red stained lip,

He rubs my purple shaded eye. 

My ear tingled from his warm breath,

cold voice, “I’m sorry baby, don’t cry.”

Nothing left to say my words never counted from the start. 

My body is numb, I feel nothing but the beat of my heart.

No response as my clothes come off. 

I smile gently as he kisses me and climbs on top.

Lying still, lifeless, motionless, I just rest.

Feeling calm, free, relieved, I know tomorrow I’ll leave.

“That was good” he rolls on his side,

eyes glazed with feeling of manhood and pride. 

I nod my head in agreement, just let him think he is right. 

“Tell me you love me”

“I love u” are my words I hate you are my thoughts. 

He holds me tight, but with no affection, I was the prize of the battle,

the prize he won when he fought. 

He holds on tight. To show me he give up.

I know the Determination, but it’s become too much.

Lost the motivation to give it my all,

lost the will to change it, I feel too small.  

Insignificant, it will always be the same. 

No love left, no love lost it’s now just a game. 

Who will break first? Who will hurt worse? 

I lose every round, don’t want to play now.

Lying, still, lifeless motionless, I just rest.

Feeling calm, relieved, free, tomorrow I swear I’ll leave.

I’ll plot and plan how to get free, but right now, I’ll just dream.

Back to poetry.

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