Scattered

Scattered in shattered pieces Along the path of a dangerous journey

That left me damaged and broken

Nothing to find hope in.

when he decided to claim my body as his own without my permission

I lost sight of who I was

and began to listen

to the voices of the enemy

Telling me to question what I’d always know to be true

Telling me God doesn’t care or this wouldn’t have happened you you

And when I no longer could separate those voices from that of my own

I found myself seeking a different kind of love than one id ever known

And when his sweet nothings and gentle I love yous

Turn to lies, betrayal black eyes and hidden bruises

I excepted what I thought I deserved

Every word he whispered, every fist he lifted

They defined my worth

And when Loved morphed to fear and fear to hate

I thought about running away but still I stayed

So I wounded my flesh as he had wounded my spirit

because the paint on the inside was so heavy I couldn’t bear it

And to escape my reality I found refuge in whatever substance could lift me out of the

The whole of despair that I had made my home

I felt alone

And when addiction and abuse

crumbled my world into unrecognizable pieces

I had nothing left to do

The fall to my knees and cry to God please

But I was sure he had abandoned me

Because I had abandoned him

I had turned away, fighting my battles on my own

And in my dark moment of desperation

I heard His voice

“ my child you have never been alone”

He wrapped me in his love as I called upon his name

Speaking to my spirit just because life’s been painful you don’t have to live your life in pain

Through jesus. love I began to understand I wasn’t defined by the hate that he controlled me with or the bruises that he left

Rather I was defined by a savior who loved me enough to give me his last breath

He said I was worth it

He said I had purpose

And I began to understand that all the moments in my life where I thought that I was alone

That his grace was theirs to staining me until I was ready to come home

And every chain of bondage that was captivating me

Could be loose in the name of Jesus for he died to set me free

I wasn’t a possession of his anymore as he had cultivated me to believe

For I belong to the only living God I am a child of the king

I knew that I had been made victorious and no weapon could prosper

As long as I stopped fighting alone and start fighting with my father

He took my scattered and shattered pieces and made me whole again

And when there was nothing left to find hoping I found my hope in him

 

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