It’s a sad fact that as you grow and become a better version of yourself you will lose people. People won’t always like to see you succeed. Your progress and self-improvement will cause unwanted self-evaluation for people witnessing your transformation. The reality check of their complacently may cause them to feel like you think you are better than them when in reality they are just stuck when you aren’t. It’s too much for some folks and next thing you know someone who was once your closest friend is now a distant memory of laughs once shared. Sometimes it’s you who lets them go. Often in the midst of a new season, you come to realize there are people in your life who are no longer healthy companions. You come to the realization your continued relationship is detrimental to your progress. For your own betterment you make the decision to leave them in your rear view mirror. Sometimes the decision is mutual or natural. As people change relationships often do too. They often bring themselves to a close with no hard feelings or official goodbyes. But then there are some people in your life that no matter what you are going through, your relationship is unwavering.
I feel like I am on the cusp of newness. Greater things are around the corner. Anxiously anticipating the things God has in store, I started reflecting on other turning points in my life. I started thinking about some of the people I’ve seen come and go as my season changed and the ones who have always been by my side. One person in particular came to mind.
I think y’all know by now, I was wild when I was a teenager. The crowd I hung around with was “rough” to say the least. It was during that time I met Bekah. She was just an acquaintance at first. But because of who we were dating we ended up in the same circle. And we quickly became best friends. I was obsessed with her.
When I say we have been through some stuff, I don’t mean in the way most girls do when they talk about their friends. Sure we have had our share of typical female drama, but remember our crowd was “rough”. In the midst of a scene covered in drugs, domestic violence, crime and scandalous boyfriends we were each other’s rocks. Honestly, it probably wasn’t always a good thing. We tended to encourage each other in outrageous behavior. The thing is, at the time, it was our normal. We didn’t really realize how dramatic our lives were. Now years later if we are around other people reminiscing we get laughs of disbelief in some of the things we’ve done and witnessed.
Think I am exaggerating? Ask her about the endless nights of partying. Or the one time we keyed a girl’s car because of boyfriend drama. If you really want the tea, you’ll have to find us in person. Our stories really are too juicy to archive them on the internet.
My point being, I loved her in a season of my life that was dangerous and detrimental to my wellbeing. When I finally decided to break ties with those people and craw out of the gutter I had built my life in, I lost a lot of friends. But not Bekah.
Bekah and I both knew we deserve more. We didn’t always feel that way, but somewhere on the inside we knew that life had so much more to offer us. And after years of friendship, we both had children that we knew needed better from us. So she grabbed my hand and we climbed together.
When we were both recovering from the aftershock of traumatic relationships, we cried together. When we were desperate to make something of our lives to provide for our kids, we encouraged each other. When the life of a single mother was hard for us to bear, we helped each other. Together, we would occasionally take a glance back in that rear view mirror and remember all the things we had to overcome. But we kept driving.
I still have some other friends from…my old life I guess we’ll call it…that I see or talk to. But none like Bekah. She is the only person who was with me at my lowest and highest. She has watched my son when I couldn’t find anyone else to do it. She has done favors for me when I didn’t ask. She has literally sat on the phone silently while I cried in desperation on days my anxiety was bigger than I can bare. She has been a loyal friend to the very definition.
There have been times where we disagreed. I am the “mean” friend. I tell it like it is. Always have. So sometimes, my opinions are strong and my approach is bold. But I don’t think we have ever had a real fight. Every time we disagree, we sit and have an adult conversation and move forward. Something that you would think should be easy at our age but so many woman fail to do.
Even when gave my life back to God, she encouraged me. Her beliefs were not quite the same but never once did she judge me or discourage me. When I started performing spoken words and writing my blog, she let me go on for hours and read every piece I asked her to. To this day, she is the only friend I had at the time I started the has come out to support me at a performance. I am forever grateful.
If you all are wondering why I am rambling, its because sometimes in the midst of our busy lives we fail to recognize the people who have helped push us to where we are. For me, she is one of those people.
This past week was her birthday. In a few weeks she will be graduating nursing school only to be going back for her bachelor’s. All while raising two amazing boys on her own. I have seen her at her lowest. I have seen her broken. I have seen her struggle through heartache and grief. And now, I get to watch her soar and I couldn’t be more proud of what she has accomplished. I could not have asked for a better best friend. Twelve years later and we still hanging tough.
So Bekah, in case no one has told you lately (because I know I don’t say it enough). I love you. I am proud of you. I believe in you. I am thankful for you. You girl are dope af, and don’t you ever forget it.
Happy birthday and Happy graduation! Let’s keep pushing!