powerhouse (part 1)

People notice me. I’ve mentioned that fact before. Now I’m not saying that they always notice me for good reasons but eyes are often on me none the less. I suppose it’s been like that my whole entire life. It wasn’t because I was the “pretty girl” or anything like that. It’s because I was the talker. I was that really loud girl who always had something to say. I was the clown always cracking jokes. I was and still am what some call “extra.” I can be a tad over exaggerated, easily excitable and extremely passionate. It gets me noticed. I’ve always known this.

But what is a fairly new concept to me is the fact that because people pay attention to me, I have the ability to make an impact. It is such a simple idea right? If you stand out, people will remember you. If people remember you than you have the ability to influence them. If you have the ability to influence them, you have the ability to impact them. It wasn’t until the past couple years or so I began to actually see myself as a person who has been given that kind of authority.

My first couple performances as a spoken words artist, I never really considered what effect I may have on the people watching me. Again, simple idea right? The performing arts are for on lookers after all. But if I haven’t explained this to you yet, this was not a gift I knew I had. I knew I had a way with words. I knew I had written some bomb poetry in the past. I had never in my life considered performing it or trying to do anything significant with it. Then one Facebook video of a little poem inspired by a good church service and next thing you know the fine arts director is telling me I was going to perform a spoken word piece on stage, with a mic.  So at first I was wrapped up in the nerves of memorizing and perfecting my performance. After I knocked it all the way out of the park, I had countless people come tell me how powerful my piece was. People were thanking me for blessing them. They were asking me how to hear more of ME and when I would perform again. And it finally dawned on me that my director saw that not only did I have a gift to intricately weave together words in pretty metaphorical sentences, but he saw that I had the ability to speak in a way that would move and inspire people. Otherwise he would have just asked me to write a piece and have someone else recite it.

That’s when I heard the word in my spirit. Powerhouse.

I didn’t know if I wanted to shout or run and hide. I mean seriously. What a revelation to see yourself as a powerhouse. Just listen to these definitions right here:

a)a source of influence or inspiration

b)any source of power, energy or strength

That was exactly what I was doing with my performances. What I said and how I said it was inspiring, influencing, strengthening and energizing people.  But then I realized those were things I had heard before. I had been approached and told how I had a genuine heart for praise and worship and it inspired people.  Because I am outgoing and talkative, I had had a million conversations with all kinds of people where they told me my story inspired them or they enjoyed my positivity. I had always been a powerhouse, long before I started stepp8ing on stage with a mic in my hand.

When I comprehended this, when the lights were cut on and the truth of my purpose illuminated clearly in my heart, I was scared. Because if people are paying attention, if they see me, if I can influence them with my good that means that I can influence them with my bad as well. And, well, that can be a lot of pressure.

So I began to pray on it, that word. I surrounded myself by people I a believed were also meant to be powerhouses. And I sought guidance from people who were already standing in that authority with grace and poise. Somewhere over the past year and half I no longer just believed I had the ability to impact people on a massive level, I began to hunger for it.

I firmly believe that God has placed destiny and purpose over everybody’s life. Proverbs 19:21 and Proverbs 20:5 are just a couple of my favorite scriptures that demonstrate this truth. But I also believe that some people are just meant to be heard on a greater level by the masses. I have grown to believe that I am one of those people. I won’t shy away from it. I won’t let fear of judgment stop me. I won’t let fear of failure stall me. I won’t let that fact that I don’t always know what the next step is stop me from putting my foot forward.

I am a powerhouse. And I have the ability to make a difference.

-Kristen

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