Monday morning I woke up grouchy. I sat up in bed and just stayed there for a moment contemplating whether or not I actually needed my job enough to take the risk of calling out. I wanted to curl back in bed and lose myself under my sea of warm blankets and fluffy pillows. Absolutely nothing had happened to warrant me feeling so irritated. The evening before, I had an amazing time watching the super bowl and laughing with my family. That morning, I got to spend a little extra time with my son and get him on the bus for the first time all school year. He was overcome with excitement about it. I was glad to see him so happy and tried to show him as much. Yet somewhere underneath my fake smile was a boiling pot of anger, hurt, sadness, confusion and a hint a victim. For some reason on Monday morning my mind was swirling with thoughts of defeat, fear and loneliness. I don’t know if it was a dream, a bout of anxiety or just a regular old case of the Monday blues that simply caused my mind to wonder, but no matter the case I was feeling it.
When Kameron boarded the bus I headed to the gym. I was supposed to be there several hours before but a 2-hour delay for the schools put me behind schedule. I decided I would just squeeze in my cardio and forgo my lifting routine so I wouldn’t be late for work. I pulled up at the gym just to realize I forgot my gym shoes at my house, a half hour trip away. Frustrated, I headed to work with an hour and some change to spare.
I decided to just sit in my car and turn on some gospel music, open my Bible and spend a little time in prayer. I started this new bible in a year plan that I am extremely behind on. As soon as I opened it, the scripture I read was directly relevant to how I was feeling. The next few scriptures were relevant to how I was feeling and how to overcome it.
I wasn’t supposed to be sitting in that parking lot. I wasn’t planning on reading my Bible or spending any real time in prayer until that night. But when I found myself with an attitude and extra time to kill, I decided to spend a little extra time with Him. And being the awesome, all knowing, never failing, super loving and maybe a bit humorous God he is, He showed up with exactly what I needed to hear. It was as if he was saying “well hear Kristen let me throw the answer at you since you apparently won’t listen unless I smack you in the face with it.” And he was right, I wouldn’t have. I probably would have spent the day wallowing in my misery. But in that moment I felt peace. I felt a shift in my attitude.
The thing is, I understand I’m not telling anything you’ve never heard before. “Read. Pray. The answer is in the Bible. The answer is in Him.” Anyone who goes to church, has a church friend, has listened to a sermon or had a long conversation with their grandmother while peeling potatoes in the kitchen has heard those words pounded into their brain like a hammer on a nail. We know them. We know what we are “supposed to do”. But we don’t.
It just makes laugh a little how even in moments where we don’t even necessarily have the intentions of looking to Him for the peace or answers we need, he will set the stage to show up with exactly what we need anyway. Because that is who He is. He is a father who provides loving guidance to His children.
I am also not going to tell you that from that moment shifted my entire spirit and I ended up having this wonderful day full of rainbow and sunshine. I didn’t. Monday was actually a rough day. But that’s exactly why I needed that moment, that answer, that whisper of love, that reminder He was there even more. Because good or bad, sadness or joy, anger or peace He will tell you exactly what you need to hear if you’re willing to listen.